I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
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