fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
Randomize