I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
i just googled 'classy porn'. high, low, i dunno i just got bored of cum shots.
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
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