My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
Randomize
