Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
to answer your questions bluetooth, 30ft, like a tampon, ask her, her idea, got tired of trying to find her in crowed clubs
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
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