just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
Randomize
