He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
Randomize
