He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
Randomize
