Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
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