I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
he is a creepy guy.
yea thats what heroine does to ppl.
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
Randomize
