i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
The feeling are messing with the penis
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
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