Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
