Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
Randomize