Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
Randomize
