oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
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