plz talk dirty to me
I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
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