You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
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