I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
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