It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
I have tasted many bathrooms
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
So apparently I’m into choking now
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
Randomize