I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
I feel like your dick pick is everywhere. Never have I needed to be so careful when posting pictures.
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
Randomize
