I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
Randomize
