We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
I see more hoeing in ur future
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