Where is the hickey?
Grow some girl-balls and come out already
I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
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