i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
Randomize
