Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
Randomize
