Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
So squirting runs in the family.
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
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