K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
Randomize
