Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
Randomize
