you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
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