my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
Randomize
