I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
Randomize
