the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
Randomize
