He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
Randomize
