Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
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