I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
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