I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
Randomize
