Somerville?? What the hell are you going to do there?
Watch a movie and have sloppy make outs OBVI. 45 Harris St. in case I die.
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
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