remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
Randomize
