I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
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