words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
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