btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
Randomize
