you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
Randomize
