I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
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