Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
Randomize
