Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
Randomize
