omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
Randomize
