dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
Randomize
