So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
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