I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
Randomize
