If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
Randomize
