they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
I just spread your mom's ashes with my new girlfriend. I wouldve waited for you to fly home but she was uncomfortable in the house with her remains there. I'll mail you the urn since u handpainted it.
YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND ALREADY!?! WTF WE JUST HAD HER FUNERAL 3 WEEKS AGO!!!!!!!!!!!!
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
Every concussion has its silver lining
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
Randomize
