I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
Randomize
