if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
Randomize
