I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
Randomize
