I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
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