U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
He disabled his match.com account in front of me
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
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