They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
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