I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
I currently don't understand fingers.
Randomize
