I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
Only in Montana can you find Septic Services that would display "Christian owned and operated" on the side of the truck. I'm oddly going to miss this state.
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
Dick very happy bro
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
Randomize
