I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
time to smoke my breakfast
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
Randomize
