Is it possible to be promiscuous but in a classy way?
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
Randomize
