I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
Does getting a boner while watching the celtic women sing opera on ETV make me cultured?
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
Randomize
