i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
Randomize
