so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
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