i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
Randomize
