he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
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