I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize