last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
Randomize
