I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
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