One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
She tied me up with her honor cords...
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
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