Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
Randomize
