I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
Randomize