I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
Randomize
