3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
Paul doesn't remember going to the bar and slept on someone's porch...doesn't know whose porch...maybe near Howard U.
I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
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