in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize