so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
