the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
Randomize
