I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
3 st and 6 ave. One dollar pitchers. Look out world.
I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
Randomize
