My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
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