There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
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