My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
Crop dusting thru forever 21
Randomize
