'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
Randomize
