I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
Randomize
