There are few people I can ask this w/o being looked at as insane... Do you ever some days get fascinated by how amazing your own breast look?
His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
Yea. But u kept saying "as long as she doesn't have aids" so I was concerned
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
Randomize
