What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
Erin Andrews shaves. She also likes to check out her ass in the mirror. Of course if I had an ass like that I'd be checking it out in the mirror too.
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
