After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
Randomize
