I wish my penis had an off switch
you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
Randomize
