New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
there is glitter all over my balls
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
Randomize