i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
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